So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
These tits shall not be calmed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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