i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Actions speak louder than pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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