Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
