Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
