She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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