Dual....:-)
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
