there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize