I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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