Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
