I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
