Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
