I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
