HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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