my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
