he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
