You're a womanizer and a bitch.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
