Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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