just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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