i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
