I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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