I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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