so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
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Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize