He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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