We're facebook friends in real life
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
