whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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