omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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