Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
