Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize