it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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