Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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