He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
