Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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