no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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