Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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