I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
