Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
