why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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