My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
