did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's paint friendship bongs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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