Girls should come with a carfax report
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
