You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
