Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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