i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
In America we eat man semen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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