I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
