Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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