he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
