I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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