PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
