return my video game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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