I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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