that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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