So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
