don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
