He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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