Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
