Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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