sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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