Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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