I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
