There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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