If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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