dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
