I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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