Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
