Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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