She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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