party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
false alarm. still invincible.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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