R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
