I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
