I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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