you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
