Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
